The beeps of the machine monitoring her pulse had faded out of his consciousness hours ago. He held her hand gently, and watched her blank gaze through his tears. He knew it was too late, but he didn’t want to let go…..how could anyone?
I wonder what goes on in her mind…..I wonder if she can even remember me……
There had been a film about a man in a coma who could communicate with others by blinking.
He could see the people around him….But she hasn’t moved…..not once……
It was a fucking movie.
He never swore. “Never use curse words”, he had told Zoe one February morning. She was eight. He recalled his confusion as he saw her slip on the ice, hearing the four-letter word shoot from her lips. It simply took him by surprise.
“Where did you learn that?”
“Blade Runner”, she stated simply. Of course, he had chuckled inside.
Someone’s been going through my movie collections…..at least she picked a good one.
But he had to do his best to appear stern so that she would learn her lesson…..
I had to raise her right…like Jim and Kat would have wanted…I tried so hard, oh God, I tried so hard to watch out for her….
Warm tears that he had become so familiar with.
He remembered sitting in front row, seeing the portraits of his son, Jim, his wife, Kat, and their seven-year-old daughter, Ava. Their portraits and their caskets. He remembered holding Zoe in his arms afterward, telling her that they were in a better place, sharing her anguish, her sorrow….
And she’s only twelve years old, he had thought….I’ve had my whole life to experience the coldness of the world, but she’s so young….
He gently stroked Zoe’s hair as she stared endlessly at the hospital ceiling.
He had given her his old army compass as somewhat of a gag gift when she graduated high school. “So you don’t lose your way out there in California”, he had joked. He could still hear the sound of her warm laugh, her assurance that nothing would happen to her in Los Angeles…
She was right….
Her first winter break from college. He could still feel the icy sting of the Michigan winter as he ran, as fast as his aging body could carry him, to the spot where his car had gone off the road and into the river.
“I’ll be right back Grandpa, I just need to go pick up some groceries.”
I’ll be right back Grandpa….
The boy on the bike had shot out into the road, just around the blind curve. That’s what the officer had said. She had swerved to save him. The car had struck a tree while rolling down the steep embankment. She was still alive, but not responding.
3 percent.
That’s what they gave her.
Even in this hospital bed, she looks so beautiful…
He held the locket in his other hand, feeling its smooth surface with his thumb.
“I’m going to miss you so much Grandpa”, she had said with streaming eyes in the airport, before she flew off to California. “You mean more to me than anyone in the world….I love you…”
“Oh Zoe, I love you too. And I’ve been so proud of you over the years….I’m so glad you’re my granddaughter. It’s gonna be lonely without you…”
She had pressed the locket into his hand before she parted. “I hope it’s not too girly for you.” They had both laughed through their tears. “So you’ll remember me while I’m gone…..until I come back.”
Please…………please come back………
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