The beeps of the machine monitoring her pulse had faded out of his consciousness hours ago. He held her hand gently, and watched her blank gaze through his tears. He knew it was too late, but he didn’t want to let go…..how could anyone?

I wonder what goes on in her mind…..I wonder if she can even remember me……

There had been a film about a man in a coma who could communicate with others by blinking.
He could see the people around him….But she hasn’t moved…..not once……
It was a fucking movie.

He never swore. “Never use curse words”, he had told Zoe one February morning. She was eight. He recalled his confusion as he saw her slip on the ice, hearing the four-letter word shoot from her lips. It simply took him by surprise.
“Where did you learn that?”
“Blade Runner”, she stated simply. Of course, he had chuckled inside.
Someone’s been going through my movie collections…..at least she picked a good one.
But he had to do his best to appear stern so that she would learn her lesson…..

I had to raise her right…like Jim and Kat would have wanted…I tried so hard, oh God, I tried so hard to watch out for her….

Warm tears that he had become so familiar with.

He remembered sitting in front row, seeing the portraits of his son, Jim, his wife, Kat, and their seven-year-old daughter, Ava. Their portraits and their caskets.  He remembered holding Zoe in his arms afterward, telling her that they were in a better place, sharing her anguish, her sorrow….
And she’s only twelve years old, he had thought….I’ve had my whole life to experience the coldness of the world, but she’s so young….

He gently stroked Zoe’s hair as she stared endlessly at the hospital ceiling.

He had given her his old army compass as somewhat of a gag gift when she graduated high school. “So you don’t lose your way out there in California”, he had joked. He could still hear the sound of her warm laugh, her assurance that nothing would happen to her in Los Angeles…

She was right….

Her first winter break from college. He could still feel the icy sting of the Michigan winter as he ran, as fast as his aging body could carry him, to the spot where his car had gone off the road and into the river.
“I’ll be right back Grandpa, I just need to go pick up some groceries.”
I’ll be right back Grandpa….
The boy on the bike had shot out into the road, just around the blind curve. That’s what the officer had said. She had swerved to save him. The car had struck a tree while rolling down the steep embankment. She was still alive, but not responding.
3 percent.
That’s what they gave her.

Even in this hospital bed, she looks so beautiful…
He held the locket in his other hand, feeling its smooth surface with his thumb.

“I’m going to miss you so much Grandpa”, she had said with streaming eyes in the airport, before she flew off to California. “You mean more to me than anyone in the world….I love you…”

“Oh Zoe, I love you too. And I’ve been so proud of you over the years….I’m so glad you’re my granddaughter. It’s gonna be lonely without you…”
She had pressed the locket into his hand before she parted. “I hope it’s not too girly for you.” They had both laughed through their tears. “So you’ll remember me while I’m gone…..until I come back.”

Please…………please come back………

“Ava!” she screamed, out of breath. Zoe …

“Ava!” she screamed, out of breath. Zoe was now standing right in front of her sister, but Ava didn’t look up.

“Ava! Look at me! Are you ok? What’s going on?” But Ava didn’t look up. Her face was nestled in her crossed arms.

“Zoe. I just need to find Zoe.” Ava was mumbling to herself through muffled tears. “I need to get out of here.”

“Ava I’m right here!” screamed Zoe, stressing her voice.  “Ava! Ava! Why cn’t you hear me!” Zoe touched Ava’s arm, lightly at first so as not to startle her, but Ava did not respond in the least. Zoe touched her arm again, more violently this time, but Ava did not respond. Zoe grabbed hold of Ava and shook her as hard as she could. “Ava! Please!” Zoe’s voice faded as her panic turned into weeps.

All of a sudden, Zoe looked up and saw a boy walking toward them. It was the same boy that had earlier gotten off of his bike to offer her a hand.

“Thank goodness! Can you help us?” Zoe yelled to the boy.

“I told you you had too much fun at Passion Pit.” said the boy apathetically.

Zoe thought this was strange. Even though she didn’t remember anything from the night before, she found it strange that she would have gone to a party. She didn’t even drink very often. Zoe looked into the boy’s eyes and knew something was wrong. There was just something about him that she did not trust. Not thinking twice, she grabbed her sister and ran.

As Zoe slowly took steps forward one by one, the heavenly, bright light at the end of her vision began to seem father and farther. The light looked as if it were about to fade away…

The walls along the hallway started to crack and tumble to the floor. However, she couldn’t hear the sound of the crashing walls. All she could her were her own breathes and footsteps. Behind the walls was nothing but the color black. Was it another wall? Or perhaps another realm of imagination? She couldn’t tell. Confusion and anxiety reentered her mindset just when she thought she would be able to return home.

Zoe’s steps turned into quick ones and soon she was sprinting in fear of losing the bright light at the end of the way and in fear of remaining trapped in the black nothingness.

The image of her Grandpa reappeared a few feet away from her. This time all she could clearly make of his appearance were the several bags and wrinkles under her Grandpa’s weary eyes. She noticed his eyes begin to swell with water and his soft cheeks began to tremble. “Hurry…hurry!,” he yelled. And with that the vision of Zoe’s Grandpa whisked away, disappearing into thin air.

Zoe began to run. The walls continued to tumble down but she still couldn’t hear them make any crashing noises. Suddenly, she began to hear the sound of a girl sniffing and crying… The cry sounded quite familiar to her. The voice screeched, “Zoeeee!! Where are youuu?!” And with that Zoe realized it could be her little sister, Ava’s voice.

Zoe sprinted with all her might and she eventually saw a stable hallway nearing with a figure sitting along the wall. She was growing closer and closer to the cries and could see that the figure was a girl.

“Ava??” Zoe asked in a shaky, breathless voice as she slowed and the approached the lonely girl.

Home? Where could home be? Zoe couldn’t remember a time where she actually felt like she were at home. Home seemed to be a distant memory, long gone and unnoticed. She hadn’t though of home in a long time. An image of her parents ran through her mind. She could see her young sister quietly sitting on the porch, and her Siberian Husky digging up something amongst the golden sunflowers. Home, home is where ever the soul feels comfort, love, and rest. This feeling of constant falling in and out of unnatural situations was driving her crazy.A bright light appears, white and heavenly.
Zoe just stood feet planted, thinking, hearing herself breathe, making sure heart was still bumping. She heard the rhythmic pulses, she felt blood rushing through her veins.
With a deep sigh she murmured “This is it….”, and she took a step forward.

I open my eyes and all I see is the nothingness of pitch black. I would normally be scared but for whatever reason I don’t hesitate to stand up off the ground. My feet are bare against what feels like well-watered grass: a plush, comfortable organic carpet.

Then I look up to see small pinpricks of light starting to shine down on me. The pattern is intoxicating – the pinheads grow larger now, streaming in thin rays of golden luminescence – and I continue to stare up, neck straining from the angle.

I look down to find that my feet are, as I thought, resting against grass, grass greener than any I have seen before. I marvel at this greener-than-green grass for a moment. Then I realize there is a figure in front of me.

Who is it? What is it? I’m not sure. Why aren’t the lights turning on faster?

I resist the urge to run and instead plant my toes into the ground and watch the world get brighter and brighter.

Those creases of the face…that mouth, that nose…the silver hair, like that of a grey wolf’s…

…Grandpa?

It’s him. I see his smile, his mischievous eyes, his sandpaper stubble.

“Where have you been? Where are we?” I ask, nervously.

“Waiting here to find you,” he responds with a chuckle.

“What does that mean?”

He pauses, shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about such things right now. We’re in a good place. Your parents made spaghetti bolognese for you, your favorite meal? And those friends of yours are coming over for dinner.”

And with his words I realize that I’m not in the place I should be. At least considering that my parents have been gone for nearly 3 years now. But I know that when I step into that dining room I will see their faces again. There will be good food, and good friends, and I won’t need to worry.

As a mortal, my days on Earth are numbered. Why does anything even matter?

I look at Grandpa and smile wearily.

“Let’s go home.”

Flowing away without the constraints of gravity, Zoe thought about everything that happened since she first woke in the Bradley Building. Her sense of time and reality had been completely obliterated. Maybe she really is a student at USC, and maybe she does have a grandpa to save — but how can she know if these facts are true?

The truth is there’s no way to find out. As a mortal, her days on earth are numbered. Why does anything even matter? Maybe she was a college student at some point in her life, but she is no longer. Maybe she was responsible for her grandpa’s life at another point in her life, but she isn’t anymore. Nothing matters now, and her roller-coaster ride across nested realities spark a revelation in Zoe: she is finally free of the social construct that has been ingrained in her ever since she became conscious of her existence.

… For a moment. Woosh. Zoe stopped fal…

… For a moment. Woosh. Zoe stopped falling and falling and landed softly on her feet–it was as if she had apparated, just like a character out of the Harry Potter books. She looked around and her world seemed to rewind, like a VHS tape, back to a world a long time ago. Everything was in black and white. Zoe had lost her perception of everything, even the one thing that had been constant before, gravity.

The End is Nearing

Zoe felt it all slipping away…

Reality wa…s no longer rea…l anymore…

She tho…ught sh…e was lo…sing her min…d…

Th…en sudde…nly, h…er mi…nd w…en…t blank.

Nothingness.